Men and Women ( a small analysis )

Men:

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1. All men are extremely busy.

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2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.

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3. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them.

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4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one around.

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5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their luck with others.

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6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off if the woman leaves them.

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7. Although the woman leaves them they still don't learn from their mistakes and still try their luck with others.

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Women:
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1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.
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2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive clothes and stuff.
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3.. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something to wear.
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4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress beautifully.
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5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just "an old rag".
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6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still expect you to compliment them.
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7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't believe you.

Appraisal ;-)

One day, a project leader was asked to submit a review of one of his
employees. He wrote the following

Bob Jones, my assistant programmer, can always be found
hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without
wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
finishes given assignments on time. Often, Bob takes extended
measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
executed as soon as possible.

Regards,

Project Leader

Shortly thereafter, the HR department received the following memo
From the project leader:


Sorry, but that idiot was reading over my shoulder while I wrote the
report sent to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd numbered
lines for my true assessment of him.

Regards, Project Leader

Letter is from Banta Singh of Punjab to Mr. Bill

Subject: Problems with my new computer
Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
We have bought a computer for our home and we have found
some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.
1. There is a button 'start' but there is no "stop" button. We
request you to check this.
2. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friends clicked
'run' he ran up to Amritsar ! So, we request you to change that
to "sit", so that we can click that by sitting.
3. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system?
I
find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.
4. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife
lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this ' find'
button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.
5. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn
'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that?
6. I brought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is
only one icon which shows 'MY Computer': when you will
provide the remaining items?
7. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is
noteven a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my
photo in that.
8. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT
HOME' since I use the PC at home only.
9. You provided "My Recent Documents". When you will
provide "My Past Documents"?
10. You provide "My Network Places". For God shake please
do not provide "My Secret Places". I do not want to let my
wife know where I go after my office hours.
Regards,
O
Banta.

ANGER MANAGEMENT

Husband to wife: When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?

Wife: I clean the toilet bowl.

Husband: How does that help?

Wife: I use your toothbrush.

EXECELLENT CALCULATION….. YOU MUST READ…..

After 2 years of selfless service, a man realized that he has not been promoted, no transfer, no salary increase no commendation and that the Company is not doing any thing about it. So he decided to walk up to his HR Manager one morning and after exchanging greetings, he told his HR Manager his observation. The boss looked at him, laughed and asked him to sit down saying;



My friend, you have not worked here for even one day.

The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain.



Manager:- How many days are there in a year?

Man:- 365 days and some times 366



Manager:- how many hours make up a day?

Man:- 24 hours



Manager:- How long do you work in a day?

Man:- 8am to 4pm. i.e. 8 hours a day.



Manager:- So, what fraction of the day do you work in hours?

Man:- (He did some arithmetic and said 8/24 hours i.e. 1/3(one third)



Manager:- That is nice of you! What is one-third of 366 days?

Man:- 122 (1/3x366 = 122 in days)



Manager:- Do you come to work on weekends?

Man:- No sir



Manager:- How many days are there in a year that are weekends?

Man:- 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days



Manager:- Thanks for that. If you remove 104 days from 122 days, how many days do you now have?

Man:- 18 days.



Manager:- OK! I do give you 2 weeks sick leave every year. Now remove that14 days from the 18 days left. How many days do you have remaining?

Man:- 4 days



Manager:- Do you work on New Year day?

Man:- No sir!



Manager:- Do you come to work on workers day?

Man:- No sir!



Manager:- So how many days are left?

Man:- 2 days sir!



Manager:- Do you come to work on the (National holiday )?

Man:- No sir!



Manager:- So how many days are left?

Man:- 1 day sir!



Manager:- Do you work on Christmas day?

Man:- No sir!



Manager:- So how many days are left?

Man:- None sir!



Manager:- So, what are you claiming?

Man:- I have understood, Sir. I did not realize that

I was stealing Company money all these days.

Interesting Notice, Enjoy these

On a Toilet door
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW


In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT


In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN


In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD


Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?


Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS

On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

They Call Them Indian's